She is the type that has a HUGE heart. She never wants to hurt anyones feelings, nor express when she is upset with someone (more on this later). She loves to make people happy and do all she can for them. I on the other hand also have a big heart, but in a different type of way. I care about people alot aswell, but like to help people in more physical mannor. I'd lend the neighbor my brand new car if they needed it, but she would sit with them and listen to their problems and comfort them if their dog died.
The first year together was absolutely fantastic, from my perspective. We hung out constantly, talked everyday about our days, did alot of fun things together, romance in the bedroom was great, got to know eachothers familys, went on vacation, had great holidays, ect. She would leave me notes and make me special things saying things like "your stuck with me" and "I'll never leave you". In my eyes it was awesome. I on the other hand always tried to help her with everything I could, but when she would talk to me about her rough family past it was difficult for me to relate as I have never been through that. I wanted to be that voice of reason, but it just wasn't there.
During this year I spent alot of my time on school, work, and my hobbies which sometimes would prohibit us from being together. She always seemed totally fine with it as we both agreed that we don't want to be together TO much, as we're both young and have alot of living to do still. But I always tried hard to include her in what I did. She loved it. I always encourged her to be with her friends (even if they're guys - I was never jealous), do what she likes to do, and to have fun. She did go out sometimes, she did hang out with her friends, and she did do stuff on her own. We talked alot about things like this alot as we wanted to stay together forever, and we knew that if we became inseperable - bad things would happen. We were madly in love.
It wasn't until a few months ago that I noticed she wasn't talking as much, and didn't have as much time to be with me. I lost my job, and had some other stress going on so I was working on putting more time into her. She started a second job so she was working alot. When I finally asked her if something was wrong she would tell me that she's stressed out with work, school, and family things but nothing was wrong with our relationship. I tried and tried to help her with her stress problems but she would tell me that she is better with stress on her own. So I played it cool and just kept trying to confort her, while staying busy myself finding a new job, studying, and hobbies. My hope was that the cloud would pass and things would go back to how they used to be.
Things slowly got worse, she was spending more and more time with friends, and I was starting to go all out and expressing my love for her. She would ignore some of my calls and texts (this is when I wish I would have found this site!). We would hang out here and there and still have sex but things I was noticing things were different. I put myself into overdrive doing everything I could to get her attention back. She still would tell me she loved me, but it was now perfectly obvious that she was loosing interest.
More time went on, she still would tell me she loved me but I could tell she didn't want to be around me anymore. I would call her and try to talk things out with her, I was looking for what the problem was. All she would ever tell me was that she has more family problems going on (which I do believe she may have) but literally wouldnt say much else.
So after a month and a half of this I started to build up some anger and said the meanest thing I've ever said to her - I told her "Im sick of this, what is wrong?" I finally got her to spill.
She told me that little things have been bothering her for over a year.
For example:
-Last summer I made a comment about a girl I previously dated which was alot prettier than her, but clearly stated (when I made the comment) that the girl wasn't worth it, or my type.
-I don't know her as well as she knows me
-I don't listen to her when she wants to talk about the bad things in her life.
-I haven't put her first all of this time.
Alright so all of the things she told me are true. I didn't argue with her whatsoever. I admitted that I was at fault but it was simply because I didn't know any better. I told her that I wished she would have told me earlier in the relationship about the things that bothered her, but she said that its very hard for her to confront people. I wanted to be the best thing ever for her but I just haven't learned what it means to be in a relationship like this. The comment about the other girl wasn't intended to make her jealous or hurt her (I told her this and ment it), I'm not really sure why I said that.
So after a big long talk about that, and me apologizing up and down and admitting that I screwed up she said she wanted to take a break. I was alright with that and left her be for a week. During that week I talked to some people including her close friend (who really thinks/though I'm a great guy) about what I've done. The best knowledge I could gain was that I didn't put her first for so long that it pushed her away from me. So after the week of HELL we talked and she broke up with me. We both cried - it was definitely hard for both of us.
Her immediate facebook status after the breakup was "Hindsight is a wonderful thing"
So after that I was crushed. I talked and talked to her friend trying to figure out what I could do - and all I could get for an answer was to leave her alone for a long while. She texted me a few days later to make sure I was doing alright and I made the mistake of letting my emotions loose and telling her how bad it was killing me, crying at night, not sleeping, ect. I also, in the heat of the moment, told her that she had made a mistake and that I was the best thing for her.
She never responded after that one friendly text.
Now a few weeks have gone by. We're still friends on facebook but we haven't said a word to one another. I pissed off her friend by saying that I was the best thing for her. I screwed up, then screwed up again. I have been trying my best to stay busy with my friends and hobbies, but still no matter what I do I cannot get her off my mind. Lots of reading and internet research has confirmed that I need to got with the No Contact rule, and that I need to work on myself ALOT. Friends and family have been a huge help conforting me. I've gotten lots of the "Things happen for a reason" and "If its ment to be it will be", ect.
So now I'm improving, slowing but surely. I need to learn, I need to improve myself. I'm not acting depressed anymore around friends and such but inside im still dying. I know theres no magic pill to make things all better again and I know that the relationship we had is gone and dead but I need to learn as much as I can so if I ever get another shot I can be everything for her. I know theres alot more fish in the sea, but this one has that special aura about her.
What do you all think of the situation? Be honest, it helps when people tell me things that I don't want to hear.
I apoligize for the long writeup, but if really felt good to get it all out.
Credit: lay-reports.blogspot.com
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