Discover The Difference Between Feedback And Criticism

I've highlighted Dale Carnegie's principle "Don't, criticize, condemn, or complain," on many occasions with clients. On a fairly regular basis, I get the question back, "Well, how am I supposed to address problems if I can't be critical?"

It's a fair question, and one that a lot of us struggle with. After all, most of us want to have good relationships with the people we influence, but it's inevitable that we need to communicate when we don't get the anticipated results. While we should all limit our critical language, giving and receiving feedback is essential for success.

So, what's the distinction?

Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines the word "criticize" as:

To consider the merits and demerits of and judge accordingly: evaluate; to find fault with : point out the faults of

And "feedback" is defined as:

The transmission of evaluative or corrective information about an action, event, or process to the original or controlling source; also : the information so transmitted

At first glance, the definitions appear similar. Here's why they're not the same and what you can do to navigate the distinction:

Intention

While the word "evaluate" appears in both definitions, only the definition for criticize includes the words "judge" and "fault." At the same time, only the definition for feedback includes the word "corrective." Both effective and ineffective leaders evaluate what happened, but only effective leaders have the intention to help people get better going forward. Ineffective leaders may wish for this, but are pre-occupied with finding blame first.

1. ARE YOU MORE INTERESTED IN HELPING THAN BLAMING?

HEART

The Japanese have a word that roughly means "challenge with love." A leader must open up their heart to genuinely care about the individual they are leading or mentoring. The feelings in our heart about the person we're trying to develop come out in our words and actions. When I run into someone that I find particularly difficult, one thing I often ask myself is, "What's one thing I can find about this person to love?" If I can find the answer to that question, I do a lot better.

2. ARE YOU ABLE TO FIND THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU LEAD?

FUTURE

Effective leaders look forward and develop people that will help everyone achieve a shared vision. They look to the past only to the extent that data and lessons from the past can make the future better. While the past is the starting point of most feedback sessions, the best leaders quickly move on to their most important focus: what's been learned and what steps do all parties take going forward?

3. ARE YOU TALKING MORE ABOUT THE FUTURE THAN THE PAST?

If you can answer consistent yeses to the three questions above, you're likely doing well. If you answered no to any of these questions, then you are in good company with many of us who still slip into criticism.

To focus more on feedback, let's all take one action this week that will give us practice giving feedback. BASED ON THE THREE AREAS ABOVE, WHAT ACTION WILL YOU TAKE TO MAKE THIS SHIFT? Tell our community and me in the comments below.

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