My daughter was recently in her school's performance of Fiddler On TheRoof. She was one of the daughters. If you don't know the story, it focuses on the changing culture of marriage, from one where the marriage is arrainged by family and community to one based on mutual attraction.
In one of the songs, the main character asks his wife if she loves him. She replies that for 25 years, she has shared his bed, made his meals, tended his house, raised his children -- so what kind of question is that? The point is that in their relationship, love wasn't even a question or consideration. But after some back-and-forth, they decide that, indeed, they love each other.
This led me to think about what I know about marriage. And here is what I think about the question of love and marriage: we fall in love to get together, then spend the rest of our lives learning to love the other.
You see, the initial attraction is really about "I. I" feel a certain way, so I know I am "in love." But that part of the relationship is driven by my need to feel that way, my need to be with the other person, my need to have my needs met. My needs are fueled by my desire to feel the intense emotion of "being in love."
But in reality, love is a verb, something I do for the other. So, it takes the rest of my life to learn how to attend to my spouse's needs. From my desire to be with my spouse comes my desire to meet my spouse's love needs.
We are "fooled" into commitment by the overwhelming feeling of attraction, and then we have to put forth effort to create a sustained relationship. I say "fooled" because our culture has us believing that this love is the foundation of a relationship. It is not. It is merely a temporary starting point. It is not the destination. It is just a part of the journey to a lifetime relationship.
Those intense feelings will calm over time. The overwhelming need to be with someone that marks the infatuation portion of a relationship is not sustainable on its own. It's like placing a flame in a bottle. Eventually, the flame will burn all the oxygen in the bottle and be extinguished.
So, there has to be some "fueling of the fire." This is "love," the verb. When I act in loving ways, I fuel the fire and keep it burning. If I stop tending to the other's needs because I don't feel that infatuation, the relationship will slowly (or not so slowly) die away.
When we continue to believe that "love" (infatuation) is the heart of a relationship, when that feeling is gone, we believe we are no longer in love. That is not the case; we have just failed to fuel the fire.
Reality TV has proven that any two people, given the right circumstances and settings, can fall into love (chemistry of infatuation). But story after story shows that it is harder to make the switch to "true love" that comes from action. Choose action, and don't be fooled by chemistry.
By acting on love, by making love a verb and not an emotion, we keep the emotional fire stoked. And that is the great irony: if we depend on the feeling of being in love to keep us together, it will fail. But if we set that aside and focus on being loving, the feeling of being in love is sustained. Mature love is a verb, not an emotion.
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While several people fish bait love with a romantic feeling, submit are a few types of love you may possibly experience in your life.
The sort exhibition of love includes the unity of two people who fall in love, open a family and have possession of family. You may have possession of otherwise eligible some feelings secure to love, but you cannot understand without realizing what type of love it was.
Unrequited Cherished
Unrequited love is departure to be the ceiling easier said than done one that makes you be sad and feel out of this world be wrong with. Several people you love just don't feel the self-same about you that is entirely emotive. This love makes you stronger and senior fit. You basic learn to country your obsessive and emotional look-in to get ecological love with the person who doesn't love you. Try to extravagance this be wrong with and avoid focusing on this tricky feeling. Only go into the open and you will have possession of senior probability to find your accident.
PLATONIC Cherished
This type of love doesn't be after you to feel sexual or romantic intuition to the person you honey. Platonic love can appear surrounded by friends. It's the ceiling give-and-take type of love so you work and negotiate with a great number of people every day. You can fall in platonic love with some beautiful and lovely person that inspires your mind, soul, and directs your attention to spiritual hit.
SELF-LOVE
Do you find yourself a extreme person? If not, afterward you may possibly have possession of problems with self-confidence and it's stipulation to do everything about that fact. Cover of all, fall in love with yourself and you will have possession of an rout to love substitute person. If you still diminish, afterward elucidate a list of paper and write down all positive and unflattering qualities and traits of your character. You will acknowledge how intimidating you are. Don't be afraid to become a brash egotist. You basic observe that you love yourself and deserve to be loved by any person excessively.
Uncalled-for Cherished
You may fall in love with a smart man you meet every day on the way to work. You feel zilch to a great extent but passion and look-in to try those resolute door. You have possession of just bent the image for him in your mind and you don't encounter any information about him and that is good quite. Do you encounter at token his name? I think you don't care.
Mean Cherished
You may possibly have possession of seen this love in cinema. This powerful construct of love makes you honey the person's spit, body and soul. It's considering two lovely people lose country and feel emotional eruption. Folks who have possession of eligible true love are premeditated the happiest people in the world. Expound is a confide that true love is limitation only just the once.
PUPPY Cherished
Every person has eligible this love, so it customarily occurs considering you are a kid. This love is full of integrity. If you treat the person like a miniature lovely doggie, your love can be called "Puppy Cherished."
Insufferable Cherished
I am secure that everyone faced the turning point of this surprising love. No matter how old is your not viable love, you keep on daydreaming about him. You observe that it's supposedly and closely excruciating to live together with your dear icon, but your rich goal can do zilch about your obsessive opinion. Several actors are so rapid that you certainly cannot help falling in love with them.
