HODGE PODGE of CLARKS
by Linda Sparks Starr
APR 1996
[Over the past few months I've received interesting and pertinent
comments on several topics. They've tended to pile up -- or got
filed away when the "cleaning bug" bit -- while I waited for time
to "update my updates". In hindsight I SHOULD HAVE kept a run
ning tab of comments which I sent all around on a regular basis.
I'm now starting one, "behind" as usual, but will try to keep up
as, hopefully, more stuff comes in. My apologies for not thinking
of this earlier. LSS]
To my question, "Is there any significance that a person named
Thomas CLARK was one of some 200+ people whose "headright" was
used for land in New Kent Co.? Mary Stewart wrote FEB 2: "Only
that there was someone named Thomas Clark who arrived at least
once in the colony at some time bef 1673. In other words, not
much significance." I should add that Mary has attended several
conferences where the land patent records were discussed. The
"transported" names on the patent records WERE NOT ALWAYS inden
tured servants.
In a later message Mary responded to my: "One thing I've noticed
in vol. II Nugent -- several patents were for land 'granted, but
not patented' to... another individual than the patentee. Can I
guess that the first individual did the necessary work to claim
the land, but for some reason didn't pay the money to finalize
it?"
"Not unusual. One of the requirements was that land be
settled -- i.e. acreage cleared, crops planted, house built and
occupied. If it was not, the original patent failed and someone
else could claim it. As an aside, settling the land frequently
took place long before it was patented. It is not unusual to
find a name appearing in county Order books (for instance) long
before there is any record of land ownership."
On Capt. Christopher's birth -- to my comment that we really
can't take the birth year "back" much farther than 1681, Mary
wrote: "I agree. I also think that the date of this patent may
account for Xpher's birthdate being set at 1681. However, if
this is *our* Xpher, AND an infant, why isn't there some adult in
this group who might be a family member? Do we have any evidence
of Xpher's birthdate (age given in a deposition, etc.)?
Back in early FEB, I sent a "Wanna Play Devil's Advocate?" ques
tion to a handful of researchers. As I remember it -- I didn't
keep a copy -- I was asking if there were two Christopher Clarks
-- one a Quaker and one an Anglican who was appointed overseer,
etc. which Quakers were generally barred from because of their
stance on oath-taking. Sue Wright has some interesting comments
and raises other issues along this line:
"I'm embarrassed that I've never noticed that Penelope would
have been 26 when Edward was born in 1710. (That's usually one
of the first things I check when looking at census listings --
was there a first wife, etc.) That certainly is a late age for a
first child to be born in that time period. As you point out,
many babies died in those days, so children born before Edward
are possible. While looking through my Clark folder, I noticed
that the reference I was using for the year of birth for Capt.
Christopher & Penelope's children was Mr. McConnell's work. I'm
not trying to open up yet another "can of worms", but how reli
able do you feel those dates are -- based on something factual or
merely estimates? I noticed that all are two years apart -- thus
the mere estimates possibility. Could Edward have been born
before 1710 and possibly some of the other children been born ear-
lier? There still could have been some more children who died as
babies, but I wouldn't think there would have been but maybe one
or two. A cousin... commented that the average number of
children for a woman to have during that time period (and
presumably not die in childbirth) was seven. I'm sure there were
exceptions."
The next day Sue commented specifically upon Christopher's young
age to be appointed overseer: "do you think possible if say the
family was well established in the area? In other words, if
Christopher came from a good, reliable family? Or, if he had
good connections -- either by blood or marriage?
Part of my question came from a Christopher Clarke being claimed
as headright by Mr. Nicholas Ware -- patent date 22 SEP 1682;
the land he received was on the north side of Mattaponi in NKCo.
I wondered if this Christopher was the one the earlier entries
referred to, and the later ones Capt. Xpher. But after reading"
Place in Time: Middlesex Co., VA 1650-"by historians Dar
rett B. and Anita H. Rutman, Norton: NY 1984, I changed my mind.
They used as an example a person born 1680, who was orphaned at
eight and bound out; he married a widow DEC 1706 (thus acquiring
land) and was appointed an overseer in 1708. Capt. Xpher was
born c1681 and was apptd surveyor in 1706 and overseer c1708.
His marriage to Penelope, though specific year is unknown, is in
the first decade of 1700.
While on this book, here's another statistic which is of inter
est. (page 114) "Almost half (48 percent) of the children born
in this county through 1689 lost one or both parents by their
ninth birthday and almost two-thirds (61 percent) by their thir
teenth... Of... children born 1690 through 1709, 43 percent
lost at least one parent by age nine and 60 percent by age
thirteen."
Back in JAN Sue and Martha Wright followed up on my sugestion we
should see just how many other "Penelopes" appear in the New Kent
area who could as easily be Xpher's wife. Sue looked at the in
dex for the St. Peter's Register and FOUND NO Penelope listed.
Neither was Christopher or Jonathan CLARK listed in the index to
the Essex Co. Deed abstracts 1724-1742.
Sue also asked if anyone had considered if the Elizabeth CLARK
who signed the marriage certificate is a SISTER of Christopher?
Earlier researchers have positioned her as his wife. Sue's com
ment after checking Hinshaw's reference to the marraige certifi
cate: "Apparently Mr. Hinshaw split the record into two parts to
make separate entries for Chris. and Edward and his reading was
that Eliz. was connected to Chris. I would feel better about the
entry if I could see the actual record."
Continuing, she had re-read "The Albemarle Quakers" by Jay Wor
rall Jr. published in MAG of VA Genelaogy, AUG 1984, No. 3: "He
also states that Penelope died before Chris. (No. ref given) I
guess this could be possible because of the number of years be
tween the date his will was written and the date it was proved.
If we accept all the Chris. Clarke entries as the same man, the
flip-flop in Church affiliations is troubling. Based on the
times, I would think that someone who had broken with the
Anglican Church to join the Quakers would not have been welcomed
back into a prominent position in the Church later. I wonder if
it would help to sort all the Chris. Clarke entries chronologi
cally to see if such an analysis might point to there being two
Christophers? [I did, and it doesn't point to two Christophers
-- except for the religious flip-flop.]
Along this track, Martha Wright talked with a friend who is
knowledgable about Quaker records. Her friend says "if a
person's name appears in one of the registers (birth, marriage or
death) that person is a Quaker. However, if the name appears
among those signing that they had witnessed a wedding, then the
person may or may not be a Quaker." She added that many
Anglicans became Quakers in 1744 during the period of the Great
Awakening. [The original Quaker records are found at
Swarthmore College in PA. I should have the address, but I can't
find it right now.]
We continued the "what ifs" on the children's ages without resolv-
ing the issue. Worrell's article errs in that he has Edward born
last instead of first; but he has Agnes' birth in 1707 which
brings Penelope "down" to 23 when her first child was born. A
bit old for the times... but their oldest child could have died
without his birth being recorded (remembered) later. There are
discrepancies among all the publications on these children's
birth years.
I think I've commented upon the fact that most of Capt.
Chistopher's children "signed by mark" rather than wrote their
name. Back in JAN this interesting message came across va-roots:
"Prior to the 20th century, and absolutely prior to the 19th cen
tury, a signature was not considered valid without the signer set-
ting his hand (making his mark) and seal (using a wax seal). The
fact that someone made a mark does not necessarily reflect il
literacy, but may, in fact, reflect the desire to make a "legal"
signature." This was sent by Gareth L. Mark
Moving on to Thomas Clark as possible father of Capt. Chris
topher. I asked Mary Stewart if Thomas Clark could have claimed
the land, but died before he patented it, then others moving into
the area didn't intrude on his claim in right of his sons? She
responded, "Not likely. People were just as greedy then as they
are now!" She then urged me to be very careful about "assuming"
there were several Thomas Clarks "transported" (vol. II Nugent)
"It could be one person who travelled frequently (a merchant
for instance). Every time he got off a boat he got the equiv
alent of another certificate for 50 acres which he could then
sell to a land speculator (and there were lots of those!)
Headrights essentially prove nothing."
Doug Tucker makes the following points about the relationship be
tween these CLARKs and the Quakers and partly explains Xpher's
flip-flop in the religion dept.
"Francis Clark was a practicing Quaker, as were most of his
children. Edward's daughters married Quakers so Edward probably
was a Quaker as well. I think Christopher was raised as a
Quaker, but chose a path outside or on the fringes of the Society
for most of his adult life. Since he rejoined the Friends late
in life, we probably should consider him a 'latent' Quaker, a
category that may have fit Edward as well.
Edward Clark was married (wife's name probably Elizabeth)
and appears to have had several daughters who survived to adul
thood. I found no evidence of a surviving son. Edward Clark
died in Hanover Co. sometime between 1715 and 1719."
Adding another "source" to the Micajah Clark / Sallie Ann Moorman
legend, Doug says Christopher and Penelope's great-grandson
Thomas CLARK of Surry Co. NC (married Rhoda Dunegan) named a
daughter, Sally Ann Moorman Clark b. 1817. He adds this was a
full century before the "legend" was published.
Doug also gives information on a John CLARK of NC which I'll in
clude here for I'm leaving NC research to others. He says most
of Francis and Edward CLARK's children migrated to Anson Co. NC
between 1749 and 1770. "A mysterious John CLARK was one of the
larger landowners in the area of NC where Andrew MOORMAN settled
in 1747 and where [the above CLARKs]... settled later. Andrew
Moorman acquired his land from this John Clark as did Benjamin
Dumas, son-in-law of Francis Clark, and several other Quaker
migrants from Louisa Co.
John Clark was reportedly born in Bladen Co. along the Cape
Fear River in 1702. There was a Quaker settlement near the mouth
of the Cape Fear River as early as 1680 and though there is no
evidence that John Clark was a Qauker himself, several of his
children married Quakers (one a Clark) from Louisa Co. and joined
the Friends. Was this John Clark a blood relation?"
The question was raised on va-roots about legal ages; Martha
Wright answered David Sadler's general question, citing THE
SOURCE, by Arlene Eakle and Johni Cerny, Ancestry Pub Co: Utah,
1984, page 186: Witness documents, testify in court, choose a
quardian, serve as an apprentice, show land to processioners, be
punished for a crime, sign contracts, act as an executor, be
queath personal property, or marry: 14 (male) and 12 (female)
Be taxed or muster into militia: 16 (males only); Take pos-
session of land holdings: 16; 'In possession of' on tax rolls
signifies that the person is at least 16 years old; Practice
trade 18; Release of guardian: 21 (males) 18 (females); Own
land: 21, but some states allowed females to own land at 18;
devise land by will, be taxed, plead or sue in court, be natural
ized, fill public office, serve on jury or vote: 21.
I then raised specific questions about the 1698 order to
clear roads with Edward and Christopher Clark's name on it.
Charles Hamrick answered: "The only thing that can be known with
any degree of reliability is that both of the men were 16 years
old at the time the List of Tithables was taken."
I also asked if the appearance of a 'family' between Edward
and Xpher meant they each were heads of households. "The tith
able lists that I have transcribed usually list each individual
tithable and I assume he is the head of household unless specifi
cally named as in the household of another (e.g. 'living with').
Of course this may change from one jurisdiction to another... I
have noticed deceased property owners in quitrent listings (which
comes from the law that makes their heirs responsible for all in
debtedness and the property can't be conveyed to another until
those things are setttled) but dead people paid no taxes even
back when and were not found in a listing of tithables.
Charles then sent the specific law covering tithables from
vol. 2, page 83 Hening's VA STATUTES AT LARGE: "all male per
sons, or what age soever imported into the country shall be
brought into the lysts and be lyable to the payment of all taxes
... but such christians only as are either natives of this
country, or are imported free by their parents or others who
shall not be lyable to the payment of levyes until they be six
teen years of age..." For those online, his web page has more
Henings: http://www.aa.net/h~hamrick
A correction that I may have made, but probably didn't, to my
"Micajah Clark and Sallie Ann Moorman" update. The comment about
a Capt. Micajah Clark in Isle of Wight Co. is an error; just ig
nore the whole bit. I can identify Ralph Lock Taylor as the
grand-uncle of Paul B. Phelps. Taylor "was an enthusiastic
genealogist, but he wasn't a scholar" according to Paul.
On the subject of researching in England, Mary Stewart wrote the
end of FEB: "If we are ever able to connect back to England it
may be through investigating Thomas (Moorman) of Warwickshire and
what happened to him. I think this is the most interesting pos
sibility I've seen in a long time...and a whole new methodology
to learn. As for Capt. Chirstopher -- my gut tells me that Bar
badoes is the place to look, not VA. Too few records to estab
lish much of anything. Barbadoes may offer more fertile ground."
Another correction: I apparently gave credit to the wrong
researcher in a recent update -- Arlene Anthony is the one who
provided the intrigueing comment that Lord Shaftesbury's personal
physician was an ANTHONY. It's her research "which turned up the
full extent of Anthony/Clarke ties in Exeter, Devonshire,
England" according to Dave Goodwin. She brought back copies of
two CLARK wills which he promises to provide details to the rest
of us.
I asked Dave for an explanation of "Visitations" which he
provided from", Ancestry and "by L. G. Pine,
Gramercy Pub Co: NY 1985. Pine formerly edited"'s Peerage
and Burke's Landed "Briefly -- if anyone wants more
detailed explanation I did manage to save this message from Dave
which Jeffrey can forward to those on-line -- Visitations were
tours of inspection by heralds, conducted roughly once a genera
tion and covering one county as a time. They met with everyone
claiming to process a coat of arms; these had to provide proof
which the heralds could accept or reject. They began in 1529 and
ended in 1686. Over the years the heralds drew "rudimentary
pedigree charts" which they enlarged as the generations went by.
He ends "I do have a problem with the coat of arms which Nancy
Vashti Jacob Anthony presents in her books as possibly being that
for Christopher Clarke of VA, since she shows no source for her
information."
[And that's only from all the "stuff" I've filed in my various
CLARK folders! I have one large folder of the more recent e-mail
and letters which I haven't filed as yet. I have less MOORMAN
and only a dauble of CANDLER comments plus more on Quakers in
general. The JOHNSON data may entail more than I think for Dick
Baldauf's letters will be hard to condense, but less interesting
to the group for he's sorting out JOHNSONs trying to get to Ed
ward. I plan to "do" the "unfiled" folder last. LSS]
NOTE: Someone with more time than I have may want to get on the
list to receive "Issue No. 2" of West Indian Genealogy. I got
the first issue, but when I went to read the file, it wasn't
there -- and never followed through to get Jeffrey to locate it
on our disk! The person to contact if you didn't get the message
is Vaughn W. Royal
75231.511@CompuServe.com
You want to find out if she's being unfaithful today. Feeling suspicious about someone you care about can be absolute torture. Not only do you feel completely inadequate, you feel like you're getting played. You want to know one way or another if your girl is being straight with you, but you've always wondered, "How can I catch her cheating?" I'm going to lay it out for you in a way that's easy to understand and will give you answers right away.
You deserve to know if you're the only one being loyal in this relationship. Get the facts and find out if she's cheating now.
Monogamy - If you haven't talked about it yet, she may not think you're in a relationship. Some girls are open to having sex with more than one guy at a time when they're dating. You need to make sure you're both on the same page, what you might think is cheating she might think is just a part of dating.
Spending the Night- You're having sex, and things are all finished up, you're cuddling and all of a sudden she gets up and starts putting her clothes on and leaving. If this happens every single time, she might have some one else she needs to wake up next to in the morning. If she's not willing to spend the night, you might be getting played.
Her Place - You have no idea where she lives or you've never been invited up. This is a major warning sign. When a girl is committed to her guy, she'll invite him into her space and definitely be okay with him spending the night. Her not inviting you over or letting you know where she lives is a key sign she's hiding something from you. She could be living with another guy, or not trust you enough to have you over, which means she doesn't consider you boyfriend material.
Her Friends - You haven't met any of her friends, don't know anyone she works with and have no idea who she hangs out with when you're not together. If any of these are true, she doesn't think you're together. When girls are into you they want you to meet their friends so that their girls can approve. You haven't met her friends if your girl thinks that you're not worth it and you're just another notch on her bedpost.
You'll know if your girl is being unfaithful if you've read these warning signs and all of them sound all too familiar. If you're not being taken seriously, you need to talk to your lady now. You deserve to be in a trusting relationship where you don't have to worry about how to catch her cheating.
Take control back and find out if she's cheating today and sleep better tonight. Don't let any girl take advantage of you just because you care. You will meet the girl of your dreams, and if you're with a cheater, she definitely isn't worth any more of your time.
Credit: dominant-male.blogspot.com
A few years ago Caitr`iona and I started to integrate our various skill-sets. We were already excited about helping people make big changes, but something was missing.
We wanted to bring big picture thinking, and a natural ongoing awareness into people's lives so that it stuck. "What is the most effective and accessible way to bring about authentic, long-lasting, positive change?" was the question that we were asking ourselves.
We had been teaching meditation retreats for a long time, and we are still impressed at how deeply meditation and mindfulness training can transform people's lives. However, we also noticed that there are many people who are drawn to meditation, not because they are contemplatives or visionaries, but because they are natural introverts. They come to meditation for comfort.
If you are a natural introvert, meditation might actually not be the most direct way to make meaningful change in your life. In fact, it can hold you back.
Then there are others who find meditation difficult, even though they may be naturally visionary, and very much in touch with the power of their imagination, very driven, and very much aware that the deepest change comes from inside.
We knew there was something more we could do that would bring lasting positive change to a far wider range of people than we were reaching.
So we began experimenting. In addition to being Zen and Vipassana teachers of many years standing, we were Hypnotherapists, we were trained in NLP. We had already been bringing other elements into the meditation, to broaden the context and make it more applicable to everyday life. In addition, I am both an artist and a martial artist. I've taught non-violence in a range of settings over many years. There is no way I can avoid bringing these perspectives into the work.
WHAT IS FIVE CHANGES?
Five Changes is born out of the range of perspectives and skills we have developed over the years. It is a deliberate integration of skills for long-lasting powerful change. It works for anyone who is ready to get out of their own way, step into their unique brilliance, and live their life, not at 50% or 75%, but at full throttle.
By the way, it is far less stressful to live at 100%, because when you are in alignment, when the activity of your conscious and unconscious mind match each other, you tap into new sources of energy and creativity.
People ask WHAT the Five Changes are:
* They are the Five Principles for Change.
* They are the Five different modalities that we have integrated.
* They are the Five building blocks that make up who we all are internally.
* They are the Five Precepts - the five guidelines for living with awareness and integrity
* They are the Five areas of your life where change happens.. in work, with family and friends, in romance, with physical and emotional health, and in your inner "spiritual" world..
I would also like to say that there are at least five things any one of us could usefully change in their life. But when you really change one of them, all the others will shift in unison. Because each of us is a system. The way we work in Five Changes is to look at the whole person, and to work with each person as a unique living inter-connected whole system.
What Is Five Changes, Five Changes, Five Changes Is, Mediation, NLP, Spiritual Practice, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Hypnosis, Personal Development, Unconscious Mind.
The post What is Five Changes? appeared first on Five Changes.
HYPNOSIS AND NLP IN ACTION: ANCHORS AWAY
An anchor is a term used in hypnosis and nlp, which stands for what in psychology calls a conditioned stimulus. An anchor is the stimuli which was pared with an unconditioned stimuli or resourceful state or resourceful response. Then we can produce the anchor (stimuli) and produce the state at will. You can also stack anchors.
For instance, if the response you want to produce is not powerful enough, then anchoring several similar responses you would like to produce and then combining them into a single anchor where they all fire off at once could be useful. One could also create a series of anchors or a chain of anchors. This can be done a few different ways, but generally this is where one response triggers another and so on. If you are familiar with behaviorism or Applied Behavior Analysis, then one useful way of thinking about this is behavior chains and conditioning.
HYPNOSIS AND NLP: PROPULSION SYSTEMS
Propulsions systems are exactly what they sound like. It is something that propels something towards something. Many in the field of Hypnosis and NLP with almost instantly think of Meta Programs. I got something to tell you we are always going towards or away from something, but what is important is what we focus on and what works. Anyways, one can use chaining anchors to create a propulsion system. However, the trick is to make it so it seduces you or the client.
So, that the process and the goal is irresistible. That way it continues to propel you or them completely through the steps needed to achieve the goal or behavior the propulsion system is in. One useful method is to create several small propulsion systems, which make up a much larger propulsion system. Of course, this is also dependent on how complex the behavior or goal is.
HYPNOSIS AND NLP: CHAINING ANCHORS AND BUILDING A PROPULSION SYSTEM
Just like doing any thing else in hypnosis and NLP one needs to know what, where and how they are going to do something before doing it. So first, one needs to define what behavior or goal they want to use with the propulsion system. Then one needs to know what anchors are they going to chain or stack and then chain. Then one needs to decide what order they want the chain of anchor to fire off in. Yes, it is a good idea in many cases to use separate anchors at first to create the chain of anchors.
Now, it is time to get to work. Do the anchoring, setting up the chain of anchors, adding in the chain of anchors to where you are going to put it. Then it is time to do all the normal stuff you do in Hypnosis and NLP, like an ecology check, make sure it is working and generalize it where needed. This is where things like nested loops are really handy. However, that is a different subject, but this is the hypnosis and nlp blog, so click where it says nested loops if you want to know more about nested loops or hypnosis or nlp.
Hypnosis And NLP: Building A Simple Propulsion System
Hint: When picking resourceful mental states. It is easy to start out with using examples of things that already motivate you. If needed add more than three examples. You can also stack anchors, but I suggest starting out as simple as possible. If you need to make any adjustments afterwards, then it will be relatively easy to do so.
Step 1: Identify what goal or behavior you want to put the propulsion system in.
Step 2: Define explicit steps to do this behavior or achieve this goal in simple small steps.
Step 3: Identify three resourceful mental states.
Step 4: Anchor each resourceful mental state in at-least two submodalities (Senses).
Step 5: Test the anchors to make sure they work. If they do not repeat steps 1-4.
Step 6: Imagine the first step to begin going towards the goal or to begin the behavior.
Step 7: Fire off the anchors in their desired order and repeat three times.
Step 8: Test if thinking about it produces the response the anchors produce in order.
Step 9: If it did not produce the anchored responses, then repeat steps 3-8.
Step 10: Go to the next step and fire off anchors in the desired order and repeat 4 times.
Step 11: Continue through each step repeating firing off each anchor in order one extra time than the last until complete.
Florida Hypnosis - Your In-Trance to Success,
Ricky W. Strode
(321) 247-8569
rickystrode@florida-hypnosis.com
I come from a long line of drama queens. My family could create drama out of going to the supermarket. They also drank a lot which enhanced this tendency.
Let's face it, many of us who have staggered about in the realm of addictive or blow-your-mind substances, have a predisposition towards catastrophizing. Something in us enjoys creating volcanic eruptions out of molehills. Even many of us who have heroically extricated ourselves from substance misuse or abuse have failed to let go the accompanying tendency to see the world in terms of flash crashes, trench warfare, bubonic plague, and other extreme events.
Even though we may be consciously inclined towards the Middle Path and serenity, our unconscious minds hurtle us relentlessly into series upon series of melodramas.
Melodrama, a theatrical term, derives from the Greek word melo, which means music. In theatre, emotions are exaggerated and the storyline is full of exciting events. Many of us would secretly delight in a sound-track to accompany our life performances.
Drama addicts tend to exaggerate, embroider and amplify events in order to draw attention to themselves and/or their world. Sometimes there is a desire to shock, whether by acting out or in telling the story of someone else's drama.
In the grip of a melodrama the breath becomes shallow, adrenalin kicks in, and the drama addict feels energized and alive. So it can be a challenge for many addicts to stick with meditation. The lurking core belief is that without drama, life would be boring; without telling stories of dramatic events, you would be boring.
Rollercoaster emotions may initially feel energizing but eventually they deplete us. Too much adrenaline and cortisol flooding the system eventually creates a worn out, flat and bored organism.
If we are able to actually identify that we are addicted to drama, meditating regularly may be able to help us move away from our own TV soap opera.
A good strategy in addressing addiction to drama is to reduce our expectations. Conscious and sub-conscious expectations can and do create a world of hurt. When I wait for the bus, I expect it to appear. When it does not appear, a melodramatic reaction arises. Behaving in an overdramatic manner each time an expectation is thwarted adds nothing constructive. Eliminating the expectation and relaxing into what actually is can liberate us from the tyranny of self.
When we behave as fixed entities complete with desires that must be satiated right here, right now, we see the world in terms of what we can extract from it physically, mentally and emotionally. When we crave less and demand less, we find we can love more and accept more. We move from the realm of frustrated hungry ghosts to the realm of equanimity. Appreciating what we have instead of clamouring for what we want, we can abide in plenty, well-being, kindness and beauty.
When we have fewer expectations, melodramas are less frequent. We find we are more able to allow things to be the way they are without needing to adjust or control outcomes.
Meditation sharpens our sense of interconnectedness and process. It helps us move from chipped mug half-empty to exquisite goblet half-full - a necessary step if we are to survive as a species.
The philosopher Bertrand Russell wrote:
"In fact the whole antithesis between self and the rest of the world, which is implied in the doctrine of self-denial, disappears as soon as we have any genuine interest in persons or things outside ourselves. Through such interests a man comes to feel himself part of the stream of life, not a hard separate entity like a billiard-ball, which can have no relation with other such entities except that of collocation. All unhappiness depends upon some kind of disintegration or lack or integration; there is disintegration within the self through lack of co-ordination between the conscious and the unconscious mind; there is lack of integration between the self and society where the two are not knit together by the force of objective interests and affections. The happy man is the man who does not suffer from either of these failures of unity, whose personality is neither divided against itself nor pitted against the world. Such a man feels himself a citizen of the universe, enjoying freely the spectacle that it offers and the joys that it affords, untroubled by the thought of death because he feels himself not really separate from those who will come after him. It is in such profound instinctive union with the stream of life that the greatest joy is to be found."
Meditation helps to bring the drama addict into the generally drama-free reality of the present moment. Reality reflects back to us that despite our out-of-control emotions and thoughts we are, in that very moment, clothed, fed, and sheltered and not at risk of war, famine or any other impending apocalypse.
When we sit with our present experience, whatever that may be, without judgment or commentary, and become aware on the level of sensation just what is going on emotionally, we may find that, maybe for the first time ever, we are actually capable of resting in great, natural peace. If we are able to stop our incessant, blind attraction to danger and chaos, even for a moment, we may experience, from the depths of our being, pure, unadulterated relief.
We may lurch back into old autopilot habits of over-dramatizing, but we have briefly experienced another way, which is not boring or grey after all, but deeply restful and nourishing. All we need to do is make a new habit, one of commitment, to going back to that place on a daily basis.
We may not feel like doing this. We may be tired, angry, distracted, hungry, lonely or stressed. But we don't have to believe every emotion or thought that we have. As with NA/AA meetings, we just show up. As we sit, day in and day out, steadfast as the rising and the setting sun, we gradually develop discriminating wisdom which helps us to decide which emotions and thoughts are in our own best interest and which are not. Mastery of the mind entails rejecting those thoughts not in alignment with our values. We can also identify emotions and thoughts that help in strengthening our purpose.
Serenity is the opposite of melodrama, and the dualistic nature of our universe whispers to us that the kernel of the one lies dormant in the other. All we need to do is incubate serenity by carefully laying it under our meditation cushion before we sit and trusingt that our minds will gradually incline towards peace. Read More @ Source
Sure, Valentine's Day is all about hearts...
But the most precious heart of all is the one that keeps us all alive. Because little girls deserve to be SILLY, PLAYFUL, AND HAPPY. Little girls deserve to grow up without heart disease robbing them of grandmothers, mothers, and their own chance to grow up and grow old.
We're joining I Faces in featuring the color red, for GO RED FOR WOMEN.
FEBRUARY 14TH - RED
It's as week of love around here! Let's celebrate Valentine's Day in a bright, vibrant, fun way while also spreading the word about a fantastic cause... Go Red for Women.You must have a human face clearly showing in your photo entry...and the color red.
THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE IS IN SUPPORT OF GO RED FOR WOMEN.
Cardiovascular disease claimed the lives of NEARLY 500,000 AMERICAN WOMEN EACH YEAR, yet women were not paying attention. In fact, many even dismissed it as an "older man's disease." To dispel the myths and raise awareness of heart disease as THE NUMBER ONE KILLER OF WOMEN, the American Heart Association created "Go Red For Women" - a passionate, emotional, social initiative designed to empower women to take charge of their heart health.GO RED FOR WOMEN ENCOURAGES AWARENESS OF THE ISSUE OF WOMEN AND HEART DISEASE, AND ALSO ACTION TO SAVE MORE LIVES."FIND OUT HOW YOU CAN HELP OR "GIVE TO THIS CAUSE HERE"."
Reference: dominant-male.blogspot.com
1. Who cares?
People will give you all of this terrible advice (all the time) about how you'll find the "one" when you're not really looking. I'm never looking and I still haven't found the one. Or that you need to love yourself before someone loves you. Oh please, people loved me when I was 14 and had braces and pimples - and I definitely didn't love myself then!
But the truth is, when you want something to happen - and this applies to everything in life - you actually need to try. So if you want a dating life, you need to do something about it. You need to motivate yourself to get off the couch, put on some pants and sit across from Mr. Wrong about 45 times before you find Mr. Right.
And don't do this unless you're ready to do this. And you'll know when you're ready to this simply because the thought of online dating won't make you nauseous and you will actually be excited to be set up with a friend of a friend of a friend.
2. Social media is a lie
People only post the really, really good or the really, really bad. Don't let someone's hashtags or smooching photos freak you out. They didn't post about their terrible dates or their heartbreaks or the amount of times they fully swore they'd be alone forever before they found the one.
3. You're not alone
You're not the only person who feels perpetually single or the only person who feels like they are never, ever going to find anyone. I'm not saying we should all form some kind of support group where we meet once a week and cry in each others shoulders. I'm just saying we should accept that there is nothing wrong with us.
4. There's no one right way to live
Back in the '50s, women were married at 18 and their career was raising a family. Now, women build careers before they build a family. And there's nothing wrong with either path. Your life, and how you live it, is your choice. So don't compare your timeline of events to your (Facebook) friend's.
5. Appreciate what you have
That's the hardest part, isn't it? Next time someone asks you "Why are you single?", You can say: Well, I don't know... but here's why I have this awesome job. Or, "Here's what my awesome friends and i have planned for Labor Day." Or, "Here's this awesome app that I just spent seven months building." We are more than just our relationship status. Don't forget that.
6. Be happy for other people
Try, really try hard. Jealously is a terrible feeling. Really, it is. And I'll be the first to admit, when a friend calls me to let me know they just got engaged, my first thought is I lost another one. But then, right after that, I'm in tears because I really am so happy for them. I've been there with them from the start. I was there before they met their fianc'e. I was there when they went on 27 bad dates. And all in all, I know - well, I just hope - that all of these friends who are engaged will be there for me one day, if I do meet the man of my dreams, to dance the electric slide and the cupid shuffle and the Harlem shake with me at my wedding some day.
Origin: dating-for-black-men.blogspot.com
